We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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