All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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