u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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