Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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