i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize