I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
