I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
