Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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