mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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