In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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