Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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