WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
