Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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