FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This toilet bowl is my home.
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