i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
