nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
