at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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