Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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