I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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