but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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