When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
