first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
