it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
