They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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