We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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