meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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