I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
