I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
