Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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