i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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