I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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