My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
