my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My vagina just clenched in fear
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
