Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
