For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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