You really coming over, don't trick.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
