I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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