So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize