you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
