I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
