I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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