imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
