Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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