her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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