This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
