will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I sprained my soul last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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