i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize