Barsexuality is the new black.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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