Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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