I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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