Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
