Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
