I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
