There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
