just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
