So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dick has a subreddit
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
