you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
