I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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