hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
