But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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