Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
