it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
