I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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