having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
