i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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