i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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