I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
