Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
