the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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