Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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