Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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