I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
