i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
