Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize