So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
