I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
