So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
