My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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