call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Randomize
