just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
