it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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