remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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