it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
